On Dreams

We are constellations of stars aligning here and there, specks of light shining mostly everywhere.

When I was one day old, I always wanted to be the most gentle kind. Never crying, barely whining. As somebody’s daughter or son, that was our biggest dream. It would take anything for us to make someone happy, especially when it comes to our closest ones. At the age of six months old, I fell for the first time in my life. It was when we crawled that we realised how hard it was to cling to this place. How hard it is to be there, just know love. To breathe just to do nothing for a while.

For years now, we have lost our dreams. Every promise breaks open like a cracked seashell on a shore. Every vow becomes a lost memory. Every teardrop became the rain on a normal October day. Is there anything we can do to hold on to our dreams? It seems like the more we work through, the more we have lost it all, petal by petal. One day I wanted to be with you, and the other day you were just a destination spot I went to. Tomorrow I would like a cup of tea in the morning, but tomorrow came out differently. I've found myself doing yoga or pilates; I'm doing things I never thought I'd do. Why is this life so hard to cling to? Does it hate me for asking about this?

Is this place just not meant for me at all?

The fact that our dreams change makes us realise that the clock keeps on turning, that the earth’s motion about its own axis never stops. Another 24 hours is always coming to its end. That you can leave anytime you want, but you can love as long as you are willing to take it. You were hurt yesterday, but next week you found yourself falling in love with the leaves on trees and specks of light. Our dreams keep on changing in their own motion, and there’s nothing we ought to do to stop it. There is, in fact, no need to. Our dreams become clearer when they're combined. With every failure and pain, every love and smile, every stain and teardrop, every memory, it all becomes clearer that all we need is a dream. and to dream again when it changes.

You could be nothing today, but five years from now you will create music that saves someone else’s life from ending. We could be together today, but six months from now, I’ll be ready to let you go. You could feel like you are deserving in a matter of seconds when the sun reaches its middle point, half-sinking into the horizon. I could be a writer with nothing to write about, but weeks from now I could nail every surf slang word and have fun with it in my book.

You can expect nothing to change and can’t expect anything to stay because these are all changing. We are leaving footprints in the sand. We are packing away the things we need and throwing away the ones we do not. We are constellations of stars aligning here and there, specks of light shining mostly everywhere.

Love,

Valencia Wilianto, @PoetryOfHvaw